First from everyone here at Salithox’s Reviews. We, I mean I would like to wish everyone a happy and safe holiday. Ill be back after the holidays with more updates and hopefully some new reviews for everyone.
To LifeHacker’s if your reading this I hope you enjoy my little corner of insanity.
Happy Holidays to all and to all a good day.
As I sit here in my confined part of my own personal hell. I catch myself looking around the office. The first thing that caught my eye was the water cooler. I know that cooler has it in for me, it always bubbles and mocks me when I walk by. It my have been from boredom of my mundane job and life, or might be cause I was fed up with the evil water cooler. It was at this moment I started to formulate a plan to remove that cooler form the material sphere.
Hmm I thought to myself, first I need to give it life, or at least a look of life. That means it needs something red inside the water to make it look more like blood. Dye I yelled out loud from within my cubicle. I will also need some weapon to defend as well as pry open the water cooler to add the dye of destiny. The only item that comes to mind is the powerful and awe inspiring spork.
Now how to get back into the office after hours, I though. I got it, Ill hide under my desk, no one will ever look there. So I placed my rent-a-dummy under the desk and ran to the store looking for the dye. I ended with the red hoping it will work out. I then returned to work and took the place of the dummy under the desk and waited out my time.
As the last worker left for the night I started to make my way to the evil heartless water cooler. I pulled the mystical spork out of my pocket and made a hole in the top of the water jug. I dumped in many things of red dye thus making the water as red as blood. It was at this point something went horribly wrong and my life was about to change for the worse.
When I came too, I was surrounded by many many people and doctors. I was confused and dazed as to how I ended up here. People kept muttering and saying things I couldn't hear clearly. I tried to move and my limps wouldn't respond. As I struggle to get free I start to get dizzy and pass out.
When I come to yet a second time, I find myself in my own room laying in my bed. I get up and walk to the window looking outside and wondering if it was all just a dream. As I walk to the bathroom I put my hand in my pocket to find the spork of my dreams, I set it gently on the night table till its needed again and continue walking to the bathroom. As I gaze into the mirror I am struck with horror and fear, for I am dyed pink.
I try to think back to what would have made me look like this. I think and think and think till I remember it all. As I was adding the dye to that evil water cooler who now I am sure is out to kill me. There was an explosion in the office causing the jug to crush me and pour all its red blood staining water on me. That must have been when I blacked out and woke up in the hospital. They must have been discussing how to get the dye off my skin. I guess there was no way to for the fact I woke up here the second time. Now I must live my life with white makeup to cover this evil pinkness that is all over my body. This is my story this is my fate. I am John Dee, and I will destroy the color pink for all it has done to me.
when i am in a neon pink mood, it normally means I'm drunker then hell. tonight was the first and last night for the color pink. For I john Dee am on a quest to eliminate the color pink. Pink has been mocking me since i can remember, with all its pinkness. i thought to myself i must destroy it. BUT how does one destroy a color let alone a color as powerful and deadly as pink. for months i planed and plotted. just how was i going to do this? there must be something i can do but what? then it one day in the middle of the night it came to me. KILL the Pink Panther, that freakish pink panther beast must die. To arms i yelled to myself. i grabbed my spork and ran out the door. Where to find him? i thought. THE ZOO! To the zoo i ran, with a bucket of paint and spork in hand. at the zoo i threw the pink paint onto the normal panther and dove in at it with my trusty spork in hand. needless to say the panther won the battle BUT I will win the war on pink.
This is an short story I wrote a long time ago in a galaxy far far away.
Whenever my wife runs away, i want to drive into a wall. today was the last day she will run away from me. when she comes home today she will have a surprise. now to put my plan into effect. i walked into the bathroom to see the last thing i ever bought her, her favorite perfume "lucky you". how ironic i thought that her favorite perfume was called "lucky you", at this moment I'm not feeling as lucky. i rummaged thought the medicine cabinet to find the medical tape and chloroform that i had hide there. i grabbed them out and hunted frantically for a wash cloth to use for my plan. when i found it on the cold smooth tile floor i realized this too will be my fate laying helplessly on the tile. i covered the wash cloth with the chloroform and ready the tape. i took one last look at myself in the mirror and smiled. i taped the wash cloth to my face and inhaled deeply. i started to feel tipsy and i barely felt my head hit the side of the bathtub as i fell. the last thoughts running though my mind as the smooth tile started to fill with blood red liquid from the gash in my head was, "lucky me, HA lucky you"
Disclaimer: my cause mild sickness, memory loss, stupidity, and impenitence.
untitled poem
the first time I saw her eyes,
Her beady little eyes,
They were surrounded with life and luster
Then they grew from beady to full
Wonderful and mind boggling
As you stare at me
I get lost staring back
Then I see the flames,
Flames that burn the walls down
The mental walls of your beady little eyes
Your very beady. Full beautiful eyes.
This poem isn't much of a poem, cause I don't know how to write a poem let alone anything that makes senses or is good for that matter.
This is the game reviews I have written so far for my friends site, Happy Horror. You may read the reviews here in the blog, or on the Happy Horror site itself. Without anymore delay here are the reviews.
Resident Evil 5
Reviewed by Salithox
Resident evil 5, What is there to say that hasn't already been said about it? The game follows the story of its two main character Chris Redfield and Sheva Alomar on there journey to understand and save the people from a terrible bio-organic plague that has befallen Africa. Now to anyone that has played any of the Resident Evil games you will soon realize that this is another mutation of the umbrella virus that has tormented us in many a game. My question to you the reader is what do these people really need to do to get a break from umbrella? Now let us take a little look into the game and see if we can help them out of this mess once and for all.
ANY weapons, only let them hold onto ammo and healing items. Basically turn them into a storage device nothing more, doing this will make the game a lot easier to play alone in the long run. After you have unlocked Sheva's final weapon then you can give her that because it takes no ammo to use. The reason I'm informing you to play co-op is because it will make the boss battles more fun to play. Some boss battles are easy and silly like where you lead the boss into an inferno to kill him, others not so much where you need to treat your partner like bait so you can have a chance to get one or two shots in. Over all co-op is the way to really get the most out of the game.As you start the game you get a nice simple tutorial as you go through a little market place to meet your contact in Africa. (This part of the game is really your only chance to get the controls down cause from here on out its a pretty fast paced game full of plagued villagers and creatures.) Once you meet up with your new partner Sheva Alomar the game decides to test your teamwork by throwing a few hordes of infected at you. From this point on you will travel to a wide verity of locations from the market place to some caves, temples and even a research station. Through out the game you also get a few forums of driving/shooting from a jeep to a boat. All in all it is pretty straight forward, as in you go from point A to B but getting there is the hard part.
Lets get the boring part of the review out of the way. The game play is pretty well balanced for the consoles, I have not had the chance to play the PC version so I cant comment on that. The controls for the game are pretty simple to learn and quick to adapt, if you played Resident Evil 4. (On a side note the PlayStation 3 version will be patched to use the PlayStation move controller when released.) There are a lot of hidden emblems and different treasures to collect for unlockables and money. Puzzles, puzzles, puzzles, or there lack there of was a disappointment in the game. They can range from both players turning valves, to one standing on a trigger while the other runs to a lever. The graphics are amazing on the PlayStation 3 and the Xbox 360. Sound quality is great for me, but really that is going to depend on your sound setup. Keep in mind also, that you want to play this game very loud so you can hear the oncoming hordes, this can be the difference between life and death at points.
I am going to tell you something now that will make this game so much more amazing then you may think it already is. Co-Op online mutliplayer / same console split screen, the point of me saying this is to inform you that you want to play it with another human. Keep in mind that if you do decide to play alone your counting on a less then always reliable AI for your partner. If my warning still doesn't get you to play with someone, then I will give you some pointers to making the AI more useful. What you really want to do is not give them
In summery the games graphics are great, sound is amazing, and story is wonderful. I'm going to give this game a 4 out 5 rating. Overall I think once the PlayStation move controller is released it will make the game all the more fun to play. If your a fan of survival horror game then this is one to definitely consider checking out. I hope everyone enjoyed reading my first review for Happy Horror as I enjoy writing it for you all. This is Salithox saying, “see you all in cyberspace.”
Heavy Rain
Reviewed by Salithox
Drip... drip... drip... SPLASH! When the rain is pouring down and the only thing you can hear is the sound of your own thoughts, you might be the origami killer. If by chance your name is one of the following: Ethan Mars, Madison Page, Norman Jayden, or Scott Shelby, then you might be one of the four main characters searching for the origami killer. If I were you I'd recommend borrowing an umbrella from my Resident Evil 5 review to help you out in this review. Now I am going to be taking you on a adventure of suspense, drama, and action while we talk about this unique game. So come and join me on our journey into the story that is Heavy Rain.
5 out of 5. The graphics, sound and story are just amazing. The story will suck you in from the casual movie goer to the hardcore gamer. I think if you liked the old “Choose your own Adventure” story you should pick this game up. This was a hard game to review for the reason of spoilers, I did my best to not give to much of anything away. With that said, this is your reviewer Salithox telling you, “ Thanks for reading and enjoy the world of gaming.”Heavy Rain is an interactive story style game. What does this mean, you might be asking yourself. It means that it plays like you are watching a movie with interactive moments. When you start the game you get a tutorial, which is pretty straight forward but also a pain to remember during the fast action stuff. You are Ethan Mars, a family man, father of two when the game starts. This is all happy and cheerful but then it turns all downhill for him. From the death of his oldest son, to the kidnapping of his other son. This is how the game starts, but the true kicker is that you need to save your son before the rain water raises to 6” or else he will drown.
Lets get down to the nitty gritty, the game jumps you between the four main characters. This is done in the way of chapters, so you are getting a lot of information from all different sides. There are no lives or game overs really in this game. The way this works is that when you get one of the main four characters killed for example, it just changes the ending of the game. The game-play is pretty straight forward as I said, with the following the on screen prompts. (This game will be getting patched to use PlayStation Move.) It does however get annoying when it tells you to hold in like almost every button on the controller for some of the puzzles. Graphic wise this game looks good with an HDTV running an HDMI cord. A good sound system is a must for this also do to the amount of dialogue. The story is really amazing from a players standpoint its like a “choose your own adventure” novel and we all loved them as kids.
On a game like this you might be asking how is the replay value. The answer to this is great. Do to the different endings and ways you can complete each chapter makes you want to play it over and over again. For example there is a area in the game where you are asked to make your way through a maze of electricity. Before you start the maze you have a choice to leave the area and forfeit that puzzle. If your choice is to leave then it will change the rest of the game. There are many choices like this in the game and some aren't always so cut and dry as do this or that. The choice you make will truly impact the final scene in the game so pick wisely then play again and pick differently.
So over all this game is going to get a
Dante’s Inferno
Reviewed by Salithox
As the fires of Hell burn all around, scorching your clothes and scarring your face, you may be wondering how you ended up in this place. As you ponder your fate, demon lords and hordes of underlings flood to you, wanting your soul. Your only chance for salvation is your determination for your loved one’s soul. As you descend into the deeper Circles of Hell, you come face-to-face with some of your worst fears. Soon, you will learn what you need in order to help you survive in Dante’s Inferno.
Dante’s Inferno is the story of a Knight Templar named Dante and his journey into the Circles of Hell. You are in search of your beloved Beatrice’s soul that was taken by the Devil himself for your crimes. With that said, the game is your typical hack and slash style of play, with the occasional puzzle thrown in. Your weapons are Death’s scythe and a holy cross with some neat little abilities thrown in. Well, lets get into this review, shall we? I hope you enjoy.
To kick this off right, we will start with the graphics. They look just like most PS3 games, which is pretty darn crisp with a HDTV and HDMI cord. The sound was just average in this game. There are a few glitches in the game that make you fall through the floor and not get past certain areas if you do things out of order. With those aside, the game is pretty well done, but, for lack of a better term, it’s God of War with a paint job and change of story. That about wraps it up for this part of the review, stay tuned for the next part.
I’m glad to see you decided to keep on reading so let’s get it going. The game gives you a tutorial with a little back story. Doing this, you get your main melee weapon which you take from your first boss battle with Death himself. Then you are lucky enough to find your beloved’s holy cross which gives you range attacks. Also, you get some items for perk style powers and after some bosses you get spells to help you descend deeper into madness. There is also a skill tree in the game to help give you upgrades to your spells but to max them out you need to play twice, once for light and for dark. You can mix and match but you wont max out that way.
Time now for the rating of this game. What would you give it, 2 out of 5, 3 out of 5, or maybe even 5out of 5? Well I give the game a 4 out of 5 only cause I really did enjoy the story in it. If you enjoy theDivine Comedy by the same name, you might enjoy the nice twist and take on the story in this game. On a side note, you do get a full digital copy of the poem in the game to read which was really cool. So I say if you like God of War, and/or the epic poem, you might want to check out this game. But be warned: your soul may be up for grabs in the Circles of Hell for this one! I hope everyone enjoys the game and I hope to see you all online soon. This is Salithox saying “Keep your scythes close but your controllers closer.”
