Friday, December 24, 2010

Happy Holiday’s to all.

First from everyone here at Salithox’s Reviews. We, I mean I would like to wish everyone a happy and safe holiday. Ill be back after the holidays with more updates and hopefully some new reviews for everyone.

To LifeHacker’s if your reading this I hope you enjoy my little corner of insanity.

Happy Holidays to all and to all a good day.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Paint the Town Pink “The Prequel”


As I sit here in my confined part of my own personal hell. I catch myself looking around the office. The first thing that caught my eye was the water cooler. I know that cooler has it in for me, it always bubbles and mocks me when I walk by. It my have been from boredom of my mundane job and life, or might be cause I was fed up with the evil water cooler. It was at this moment I started to formulate a plan to remove that cooler form the material sphere.

Hmm I thought to myself, first I need to give it life, or at least a look of life. That means it needs something red inside the water to make it look more like blood. Dye I yelled out loud from within my cubicle. I will also need some weapon to defend as well as pry open the water cooler to add the dye of destiny. The only item that comes to mind is the powerful and awe inspiring spork.

Now how to get back into the office after hours, I though. I got it, Ill hide under my desk, no one will ever look there. So I placed my rent-a-dummy under the desk and ran to the store looking for the dye. I ended with the red hoping it will work out. I then returned to work and took the place of the dummy under the desk and waited out my time.

As the last worker left for the night I started to make my way to the evil heartless water cooler. I pulled the mystical spork out of my pocket and made a hole in the top of the water jug. I dumped in many things of red dye thus making the water as red as blood. It was at this point something went horribly wrong and my life was about to change for the worse.

When I came too, I was surrounded by many many people and doctors. I was confused and dazed as to how I ended up here. People kept muttering and saying things I couldn't hear clearly. I tried to move and my limps wouldn't respond. As I struggle to get free I start to get dizzy and pass out.

When I come to yet a second time, I find myself in my own room laying in my bed. I get up and walk to the window looking outside and wondering if it was all just a dream. As I walk to the bathroom I put my hand in my pocket to find the spork of my dreams, I set it gently on the night table till its needed again and continue walking to the bathroom. As I gaze into the mirror I am struck with horror and fear, for I am dyed pink.

I try to think back to what would have made me look like this. I think and think and think till I remember it all. As I was adding the dye to that evil water cooler who now I am sure is out to kill me. There was an explosion in the office causing the jug to crush me and pour all its red blood staining water on me. That must have been when I blacked out and woke up in the hospital. They must have been discussing how to get the dye off my skin. I guess there was no way to for the fact I woke up here the second time. Now I must live my life with white makeup to cover this evil pinkness that is all over my body. This is my story this is my fate. I am John Dee, and I will destroy the color pink for all it has done to me.

Paint the Town Pink

when i am in a neon pink mood, it normally means I'm drunker then hell. tonight was the first and last night for the color pink. For I john Dee am on a quest to eliminate the color pink. Pink has been mocking me since i can remember, with all its pinkness. i thought to myself i must destroy it. BUT how does one destroy a color let alone a color as powerful and deadly as pink. for months i planed and plotted. just how was i going to do this? there must be something i can do but what? then it one day in the middle of the night it came to me. KILL the Pink Panther, that freakish pink panther beast must die. To arms i yelled to myself. i grabbed my spork and ran out the door. Where to find him? i thought. THE ZOO! To the zoo i ran, with a bucket of paint and spork in hand. at the zoo i threw the pink paint onto the normal panther and dove in at it with my trusty spork in hand. needless to say the panther won the battle BUT I will win the war on pink.

Happy Husband

This is an short story I wrote a long time ago in a galaxy far far away.

Whenever my wife runs away, i want to drive into a wall. today was the last day she will run away from me. when she comes home today she will have a surprise. now to put my plan into effect. i walked into the bathroom to see the last thing i ever bought her, her favorite perfume "lucky you". how ironic i thought that her favorite perfume was called "lucky you", at this moment I'm not feeling as lucky. i rummaged thought the medicine cabinet to find the medical tape and chloroform that i had hide there. i grabbed them out and hunted frantically for a wash cloth to use for my plan. when i found it on the cold smooth tile floor i realized this too will be my fate laying helplessly on the tile. i covered the wash cloth with the chloroform and ready the tape. i took one last look at myself in the mirror and smiled. i taped the wash cloth to my face and inhaled deeply. i started to feel tipsy and i barely felt my head hit the side of the bathtub as i fell. the last thoughts running though my mind as the smooth tile started to fill with blood red liquid from the gash in my head was, "lucky me, HA lucky you"